Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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