There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
