If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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