Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
