when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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