I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
