So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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