The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
