Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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