i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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