pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
