playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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