I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I lost the right to judge tonight
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
