Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
