I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
