I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
They are going to name an STD after you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
