We won't sleep together?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
