So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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