Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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