i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
