Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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