Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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