peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I will be naked everywhere
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
