Already got asked if we're dating
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
