i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
