this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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