She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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