Quick, to the slutcave!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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