how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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