I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
