OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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