so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
