The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
