i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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