Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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