Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
