I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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