see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
