im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I will pee on everything he values.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
