just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
