I wish I could teleport
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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