she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
