if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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