i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
