just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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