Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
