New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
