the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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