I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
