I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
