she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
