Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
