i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Every concussion has its silver lining
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
