sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
