I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
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