i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
