Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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