is your mom at the bar?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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