I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
