she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
