just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
