things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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