I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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