the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
