One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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