i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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