I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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