Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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